Mace: it’s not just for breakfast anymore

Mace (duhh)

Some stories start with; so there I was, minding my own business… and this is one such story.

There have been many times in my life where I have been uncomfortable, uneasy, a bit anxious and worried for my safety, but today pushed me to another level where I was shaking, so I called the police to report the incident and went straight to purchase some mace –  in case of a second encounter (which I am still struggling with if I want to happen just to see the outcome and have a good chuckle at his expense, after I calm down of course).

I have travelled all over the world with Goose and felt confident enough to shield us both even while walking thru back streets of unfamiliar countries, not speaking the language, no map or GPS… ok you get the idea… nothing has rattled me thus far…until today.

Here is the scoop. I took Chester for our daily noon walk today and encountered a person completely vial who decided to take his venom out on me . As I walked down the sidewalk of the next street over from mine, we stopped at a sign where he could do lots of smelling, and while he is sniffing, I am watching him to be sure there was not any business he may need to conduct (although that makes it sound like he was preparing for a zoom meeting with colleagues or something). I hear a car pull up across the street with a man’s voice and lots of yelling, the vehicle window was partially open, but I figured it was a car phone conversation that was heated. As we stood there for a few 10 seconds more and the yelling continued I hear the word dog, so I perked up, looked toward the car and said, are you talking to me? To which a mouthful of expletives were vomited.

So here I will say, that because the language gets ‘colorful’ and graphic, we shall use the word Canary for the ‘Cee yoU Next Tuesday’ term that is used and the ‘fn’ is the F bomb ok? No, I was not using these terms, they were being screamed at me…

Anyway, after I asked if he was talking to me, he yells, yes I am fn talking to you, you Canary! To which I respond, what is the problem? I am on the other side of the road! He screams, I better not catch your fn dog on my lawn and you better pick it up. Me: I don’t walk my dog on that side of the street. Him: yes you do, I have seen you use both sides. Me: well when you see me on your side and not pick up after my dog then you can yell at me but not until then. Him: I can yell anytime I fn want you fn Canary! Get lost and take that fn Canary mouth with you. Me: staring blankly like, is this really happening? Me: I always pick up after my dog. Him: well where are your fn bags? Me: in my pocket, nothing has happened yet. Him: if I fn see you and that dog on my side there will be trouble. Me: ok whatever. Him: you fn Canary! Just Fn leave you Fn Canary! (wow dude get a dictionary. Can this guy at least insult me with some wit? apparently not)… so I finally gave in and said, you kiss your mother with that mouth? (going old school right there…) and he said yes I fn do.  Me: Ok, well have a happy Sunday then! And started to walk away further down the street… he not only kept yelling at me and calling me an fn Canary, but went inside, pulled out some unsuspecting person in pajamas (again it is noon, pjs at noon? Little jealous about that fact) and points at me as if I am this crazed person with my 9 lb dog on the leash, pooping in yards all day and not picking up. Apparently, we have nothing else do to such as, oh I don’t know, hold down a job, nope, just poop in yards all day long and not pick it up.

I kept my composure but was shaken because he was twice my size so if he decided to cross the street, I was not going to win that battle. If I didn’t have Chester, I would have outrun him but I can’t carry the dog and run top-notch up a hill.

So this is my neighborhood and living the next street over worries me; what if he sees me walking Chester elsewhere, will he pull over and try something? I don’t need him to know where I live and catch me off guard jumping out of a bush or something. This guy had me rattled.

Things I can do; *find a new walking route. Yes, but this is one of the few streets close by that has a sidewalk (cars not only drive entirely too fast for a busy neighborhood, they are often on the wrong side of the road). *Take the next street over from lunatic’s house, yes but do I want the crazed bully to win? Hmm have to think about how much this is all worth to me.

But while I decide, I went out an purchased some mace; the full-on police version, with tear gas, pepper spray and UV dye, spraying up to 12 feet (YAS! Come get me limited-vocabulary-jerk). This lunatic worried me. Maybe it is because I am much older now. Maybe because he caught me off guard. Maybe because I felt vulnerable knowing if he came after me I would not stand a chance against him.

I had a talk with Chester and explained the procedure for the next encounter, should there be one, and the mace is used; I shoot in the eyes and the groin is all his. He likes to protect me so I think it would be good for his ego.