Boston | simplygiselle

The amount of articles citing Bostonians as being racist, snarky, and just downright rude, could not be further from the truth. Bostonians, and I lump people from several different parts of New England into this category, are more loyal than any watch dog you could purchase.

Why are we so sarcastic, stoic and snarky upon first meeting? Well, simply put, we don’t know you. You see, there is a bit of a test that we put people through before we can call them a ‘friend’ in the true sense of the word. Not an acquaintance, not someone we just met or a work mate, a true friend, and we don’t use the term often, so when we do; you know we mean it. That is how serious we are about it.

It is a timely procedure, yes, you can equate it to a job interview where you are required to return a few times before you are told you have the job. You will be asked a hundred questions about your past, your relatives, and your high school. You will be made fun of, you will be tortured with relentless jabs and ribbing, you will be reminded of the horrible mistakes that you have made and not let you live them down, and will laugh at you… just like any family member would. And we expect the same in return. After all, if you are not receiving such a ‘roast’ you better run; it’s a clear sign that you are being tolerated but not liked.

We will not give you the ‘no there is nothing wrong with our friendship’ smile, while promptly texting and FB’ing everyone what a d-bag you are. We will not tell you that the awful Member’s Only Jacket is making a huge comeback and you are on the cutting edge. We will not agree with your choice of sport’s team, especially when one of our players turns rat and leaves the team for yours.

We are going to hit you smack in the face with the truth, because although it hurts more for the first few seconds, it won’t follow you around like toilet paper stuck to your heel.

We need to be sure that you are going to stick around, because when times get tough, when the ‘stuff’ hits the proverbial fan, we need to know that you ‘have our backs’ as much as we will have yours.

It is not unlike many families motto; I can make fun of my family all I want, but you say something, and you will get your ass handed to you.

So you see? We are not some heartless, sardonic, people; We have a heart of gold, sprinkled with a little sea salt.

There are those of us that take on the challenge to travel on a long three day weekend. I am not one of those people. I prefer to do local events and keep the road rage to a minimum.

So if you live in New England, here are some ideas to get you outside and enjoying the last few remaining days of what the calendar calls ‘summer’. I would like to challege the calendar as it has not been over 90 degrees for more than 5 days this ‘summer’.

Mass Brewer’s Fest: Join us for the 5th Annual Mass Brewers Fest on Friday, August 29, 2014 from 6:30pm. We will be sampling 100+ different beers from 30+member breweries, including a special collaboration brew! What: Local beer, live music by Three Day Threshold, and a great way to spend one of the last nights of summer! Where: The World Trade Center Head House Concourse – a beautiful indoor/outdoor venue on Boston’s historic waterfront. Cost: $40.00 advance purchase with beer samples included! RAIN or SHINE

Portland Brew Fest: The fourth annual Portland Brew Festival is set for August 29 and 30, and event organizers promise more brewers, additional activities and expanded food options. The 2014 event, which returns to the Portland Company Complex at 58 Fore Street in Portland, will feature more than 40 brewers with more than 120 brew products along with home brewing equipment, a Maine Brewers Guild fundraiser, and more.

Gloucester Schooner Fest: Aug 29-30 The Gloucester Schooner Festival celebrates the impact of the fishing schooner on the history of Gloucester, Massachusetts. Featured are the last remaining great Gloucester schooning vessels competing in the Mayor’s Race for the Esperanto Cup, a trophy from the first International Fishermen’s Race sailed in 1920. See schooner masts fill the harbor’s skyline, a lighted boat parade and fireworks over the harbor.

King Richard’s Faire: Aug 30 – Sept 28, Carver MA. New England’s largest and longest-running Renaissance Festival, opens its 2014 season on August 30th and runs eight consecutive weekends thru October 19th including Labor Day and Columbus Day Mondays. Tucked away on 80 acres of beautiful, enchanted forest off Rt. 58 in Carver, Mass., the Faire is open 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. each day. (This place is a blast! I highly recommend going! Don’t forget your Groupon and visit the House of Torture..insert evil laugh here)