Witness Protection Please

Posted on May 18, 2018 by simplygiselle

This is “Chester” – I had to change his name to protect him from the cartel he was running on the Texas/Mexican boarder. He had just arrived a week before from the mean streets of Texas and staying in the day care system until a foster (temporary witness protection) or an adoption (full blown witness protection).

When the rescue agency tells you that this tiny brown boy not only was the head of the Chihuahua gang on the streets but also again in their day care too, you know he is the real deal. I didn’t make this up!

I haven’t asked about what brought him to New England and why he needed to hide out and he hasn’t offered any hints so I think it best to just ignore it. So far, he loves the area and the people.

It may be a while before he puts his past behind him and stops looking over his shoulder to see if someone recognizes him, but I have assured him, say the word and decorative outfits will be bought to disguise him. He came to the right house; no snitches here. Whatever it was, I think he was framed.

No Alanis, that is NOT what ironic means

Posted on August 16, 2017 by simplygiselle

To point out the irony of this photo;

it is taped to the white board at work. Yes. Taped. = IRONIC

Which leads me to the Alanis M song Ironic because it just drives me batsh*t there is not one example of irony in the whole damn song. I really like the song…so I have a huge internal struggle every time I listen to it.

**An old man turned ninety-eight, he won the lottery and died the next day… (not ironic just extremely bad timing and hey, he was ninety-eight for crying out loud!)

**It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay…(this just outright sucks and can be considered alcohol abuse because flies are gross and you have to toss the wine no matter how badly you want to drink it)

**It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late…(there is a theme that runs throughout this song focusing on bad timing and this is just the second of many that points it out)

**It’s like rain on your wedding day… (you may think bad timing, but I will chalk it up to omen)

**It’s a free ride when you have already paid… (again, timing. I want to give it another category, but really I can’t its all timing)

**It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take…(ok, this is clearly not ironic but you didn’t take the advice for many different reasons; first and foremost, you may be thick headed and just stuck to your guns, nothing wrong with having some conviction, Alanis!)

And on and on we go. you know the song… dude waits his whole life to take a trip on an airplane and it crashes (pure bad luck, not ironic), traffic jam when you are already late (theme = bad timing), no-smoking sign on your cigarette break (um, are you too damn lazy to move to another spot? The sign won’t follow you around you know…)

Anyway, my photo shows what ‘ironic’ actually means. It’s not timing or bad luck.

Ironic is having a sign that is taped to a white board that states you are not allowed to tape anything to the white board. THAT is IRONIC Alanis. Fit THAT into your earwig song!

Chess anyone?

Posted on July 8, 2016 by simplygiselle

chess

What do students do in between classes that would make the average person’s brain melt? Why play an excruciating game of chess of course!

These pieces are about hip high when you stand next to them. There has yet to be a day when I walk by this board just outside the ‘yahd’ where I do not find several students challenging one another.

Naturally, I am the lazy brain taking the photo and not engaged in the battle for the queen.

(Side note: how interesting that unlike other cities, these pieces have not been stolen nor has the board been ‘tagged’ in any way! Gives me small hope for civilization in the states….)

Fool me once, shame on you Vineyard… fool me twice…..

Posted on July 3, 2016 by simplygiselle

Little colored houses in the Vineyard

It is not often I give someone or something a second chance; I am damn good at reading people and places. But Martha’s Vineyard – wow you got me! MV – 2, Me – 0.

The first time was an overnight get away with the ‘man’ as the MV high season was coming to a close. They could not get us off the island fast enough. Plenty happy to take our money, but actually expect the hostess to greet us with a ‘Hello’ at the restaurant, well that was just too much to ask apparently.

We even took the bus tour where the guide pointed out every wall of bushes and trees and what high profile celebrity had their home behind it, which could not be seen, but their have a fantastic landscaper. The bus rolled up into a parking lot for a potty break and my guy leans over and says, hey look it David Letterman. No Iie. A small fact that eluded the guide which goes to support the theory they are just not that interested in having you visit. That was about 6 years ago.

Friends tell me I did not give the island a fair chance, that there is so much to do I just HAVE to go back. Well Goose had never been so why not change up the company AND the time of year.

Only for the fact that she was with me did I have a good time – but that being said, I could be tied up in an abandon warehouse bathroom, lying on the tile floor with a crazy ass clown on a tricycle who ‘wants to play a game’ and laugh my ass off.

Me and Goose on the high waves of Nantucket Sound

Goose you are a life saver! Martha’s Vineyard… I fart in your general direction. The.End.

Mothers come in all shapes, sizes, and species

Posted on May 8, 2016 by simplygiselle

Come near my babies and get bitten! Try me you little brat! Where the hell are YOUR parents!?

Another adventurous outing for Goose and me – to the Zoo! Not just any zoo mind you, the one we would visit year after year when she was growing up (by now we should get a freebie); Roger Williams Zoo in Providence RI.

Whenever we get together we narrate the situation between us and then laugh our butts off.

I am waiting for my audience

It’s about time humans! NOW I can show off!

We have always loved it there for it size, variety of species from around the world, cleanliness, and allowing families and children of all backgrounds to visit by keeping the price very affordable.

In the past the zoo seemed to grow just a little every year adding more exhibits and upgrading those that were already there. The petting zoo is now a walk-in type where children can pet, feed and groom the mini goats. Walk through Africa, South America, and different parts of Asia. We even took advantage of the few volunteer booths that informed us of elephant poop, their teeth and how they grow and the anteater’s claws and snout – sometimes the little things are so interesting!

I have to be honest, we originally went to the booth because the women behind the tables were alone and looked as though they thought no one was interested in what they had to say. Well, we made sure to bring them some ‘business’ staying and asking questions until other visitors saw there was something going on, and well, our job was done.

Flossing time

What the hell is grass doing in the air??

FEED ME

Always an adventure, always a great time, always enjoying our time together as mother/daughter, best friends, and partners-in-crime.

Carnage

Posted on April 2, 2016 by simplygiselle

Squirrel Feeder

Standing in line at the popular home DIY store holding onto my first birdfeeder, food, and pole when the smartey pants 80 year old behind me says, “buying a squirrel feeder eh?”… (ha ha everyone is a comedian…) holding back what was actually going through my mind (who the hell is talking to you?!!), I said, ‘I will feed anyone willing to visit’ (Such a diplomat right?).

I expected the squirrels to B&E the feeder, but I have a feeling that after seeing them throughout the day eat only what was dropped, this must be the doing from the ‘masked bandit’ (fat bastard!)

So now I am left with a huge bag of feed, a broken feeder, and the question of how to take reservations for the breakfast/lunch/dinner rush from birds only. Saying that out loud makes me feel like I discriminate and honestly I just want everyone to share and everyone to get along.

I don’t mind feeding all the wildlife that walks through the yard (yes even skunks), but thinking that the next door neighbor is rocking 5 birdfeeders maybe I should just stick to my water bar (which is sometimes used as a bath, I find it a bit gross to drink your own bath water but, hey, I am not a bird).

Quirky habits are not finger licking good

Posted on February 18, 2016 by simplygiselle

We all have quirky habits, and typically we don’t even know about them until they are brought to our attention. Case in point: apparently with every bite of food I take, I tap the utensil thrice (not once, not twice… but thrice…you saw that coming right?) before bringing it to my mouth. I was completely oblivious to this fact until my very astute boyfriend brought it to my attention. I caught myself doing it and realized it was a subconscious effort to keep any droplets or loose food from falling off my utensil while on its way up to my pie hole.

Some may find that endearing while others may want to stab themselves in the eye with a rusty fork; to each his own.

Quirky habit of my boyfriend which I find completely hysterical and endearing at the same time is watching him flip out when he sees someone lick their fingers before separating the plastic grocery bags or better yet when the food prep person licks their fingers to separate the sheets before placing a sandwich on it. He completely loses his mind, looks me straight in the eye and says, ‘why don’t they just spit directly on my food, it’s the same God damn thing’….only this goes on for about 10 minutes as I try to hold back my laughter and sympathize at the same time. He has an excellent point it just doesn’t bother me the same way.

plastic bag

Have a nice day? Not if you lick your fingers before touching my grocery bag!

This post is in response to the prompt of the day:

Quirk of Habit

Which quirky habit annoys you the most, and what quirky habit do you love — in yourself, or others

Food Porn (?)

Posted on February 17, 2016 by simplygiselle

Food Porn (that’s what the kids call it, right?)

Without knowing the actual definition of ‘food porn’ I will take a stab and say it is when we see food that is so orgasmic we drool just by looking at it in a very Homer-Simpson-drooling sort of way.

Several years ago I made my first trip to Montreal with Goose by my side and sitting at an outdoor café, I ordered what sounded so delicious I wonder why it isn’t more popular…

French-fries (yes please and keep them coming), braised short ribs (melt in your mouth with the perfect seasoning), drizzled in the short rib gravy and topped with curds. Yes the Little Miss Muffet curds sans whey. *Side note: curds are a by-product when producing cheese. This blog is so educational, right?!

For the rest of my trip, and every time I go to Montreal or Quebec City, I have daily poutine intake.

This has put me on a quest to find a similarly fantastic tasting poutine in the States. When it is on the menu I order it to see how close they get. Typically I find they are drowning in gravy and lacking the meat or they use a very bland curd.

Now although this picture does not relate to a visual food porn, you have to believe me when I say, it tasted that good. Even more surprisingly I found it at a chain restaurant! Now let’s not get crazy, it wasn’t nearly as good as what I find in Canada but it was close.

And the search shall continue!