About simplygiselle

I am at the point in my life where I am just trying to figure it all out. Fun vs responsibility, fitness vs relaxation, water vs wine, what the hell do I want to be when I grow up... it's all too overwhelming

Carnage

Posted on April 2, 2016 by simplygiselle

Squirrel Feeder

Standing in line at the popular home DIY store holding onto my first birdfeeder, food, and pole when the smartey pants 80 year old behind me says, “buying a squirrel feeder eh?”… (ha ha everyone is a comedian…) holding back what was actually going through my mind (who the hell is talking to you?!!), I said, ‘I will feed anyone willing to visit’ (Such a diplomat right?).

I expected the squirrels to B&E the feeder, but I have a feeling that after seeing them throughout the day eat only what was dropped, this must be the doing from the ‘masked bandit’ (fat bastard!)

So now I am left with a huge bag of feed, a broken feeder, and the question of how to take reservations for the breakfast/lunch/dinner rush from birds only. Saying that out loud makes me feel like I discriminate and honestly I just want everyone to share and everyone to get along.

I don’t mind feeding all the wildlife that walks through the yard (yes even skunks), but thinking that the next door neighbor is rocking 5 birdfeeders maybe I should just stick to my water bar (which is sometimes used as a bath, I find it a bit gross to drink your own bath water but, hey, I am not a bird).

Quirky habits are not finger licking good

Posted on February 18, 2016 by simplygiselle

We all have quirky habits, and typically we don’t even know about them until they are brought to our attention. Case in point: apparently with every bite of food I take, I tap the utensil thrice (not once, not twice… but thrice…you saw that coming right?) before bringing it to my mouth. I was completely oblivious to this fact until my very astute boyfriend brought it to my attention. I caught myself doing it and realized it was a subconscious effort to keep any droplets or loose food from falling off my utensil while on its way up to my pie hole.

Some may find that endearing while others may want to stab themselves in the eye with a rusty fork; to each his own.

Quirky habit of my boyfriend which I find completely hysterical and endearing at the same time is watching him flip out when he sees someone lick their fingers before separating the plastic grocery bags or better yet when the food prep person licks their fingers to separate the sheets before placing a sandwich on it. He completely loses his mind, looks me straight in the eye and says, ‘why don’t they just spit directly on my food, it’s the same God damn thing’….only this goes on for about 10 minutes as I try to hold back my laughter and sympathize at the same time. He has an excellent point it just doesn’t bother me the same way.

plastic bag

Have a nice day? Not if you lick your fingers before touching my grocery bag!

This post is in response to the prompt of the day:

Quirk of Habit

Which quirky habit annoys you the most, and what quirky habit do you love — in yourself, or others

Food Porn (?)

Posted on February 17, 2016 by simplygiselle

Food Porn (that’s what the kids call it, right?)

Without knowing the actual definition of ‘food porn’ I will take a stab and say it is when we see food that is so orgasmic we drool just by looking at it in a very Homer-Simpson-drooling sort of way.

Several years ago I made my first trip to Montreal with Goose by my side and sitting at an outdoor café, I ordered what sounded so delicious I wonder why it isn’t more popular…

French-fries (yes please and keep them coming), braised short ribs (melt in your mouth with the perfect seasoning), drizzled in the short rib gravy and topped with curds. Yes the Little Miss Muffet curds sans whey. *Side note: curds are a by-product when producing cheese. This blog is so educational, right?!

For the rest of my trip, and every time I go to Montreal or Quebec City, I have daily poutine intake.

This has put me on a quest to find a similarly fantastic tasting poutine in the States. When it is on the menu I order it to see how close they get. Typically I find they are drowning in gravy and lacking the meat or they use a very bland curd.

Now although this picture does not relate to a visual food porn, you have to believe me when I say, it tasted that good. Even more surprisingly I found it at a chain restaurant! Now let’s not get crazy, it wasn’t nearly as good as what I find in Canada but it was close.

And the search shall continue!

Goldie Locks, Get the hell out of my bed!

Posted on January 14, 2016 by simplygiselle

Who’s booze was left behind on the window sill of my hotel room?

Words you just don’t want to utter while on a getaway.

Here is the story: I planned a three-day ski getaway using LivingSocial. I had not had any issues with them thus far, but this was my first time using them for a ‘getaway’.

My first mistake: I throughout one of my own most important rules: due extensive online research through several different websites for every possible customer review -a mistake I will never make again.

I am by no means a high maintenance person when it comes to travelling. I am one of those types of people that does not want to spend money on the room when the only time I am there is to sleep. That being said, I do require that I am safe, have electricity and hot water, and the room is clean. Pretty simple really.

I started to question my choice when upon arrival found the parking lot (and pathway leading up to the stairs) was just a thick sheet of ice that had not been sanded or salted.

Entering the lobby my nose refused to do its part; take in oxygen. One small inhale of the mold, mildew and stench would compromise an otherwise healthy ability to smell.

The room itself had the potential to smell just as bad (I wouldn’t no I was still mouth-breathing at this point), the connecting room had a peep hole looking into my room (um….), the lamp had a shade missing (now THAT’s a party!), and the bed and pillows looked like someone just rolled out of it (no I cannot say if the bed was actually still warm, I refused to touch it).

So no. No I will not be staying in your establishment because I require oxygen and a clean environment. I didn’t even bother to ask for another room for it was clear that there were not be a suitable place in all of the building.

We packed up (I was more than happy to relinquish the full prepaid cost of the two night stay) and moved next door to another hotel. One that was clean, allowed me to breath, and I did not have to wake Goldie Locks from her slumber in order to sleep in a bed.

You are missing from me….

Posted on December 30, 2015 by simplygiselle

I miss you

When I read this post from my friends FB page, it hit me, hit me hard actually. I can’t put a finger on it, but the literal translation from French seems to be so much more accurate when your heart is broken from missing someone…..

I just had to share.

Mother Mary was in labor for almost a month?

Posted on December 19, 2015 by simplygiselle

nativityscene Will someone please tell me why the nativity scenes are now placed at the beginning of the month? I am talking full blown Mary, Joseph, 3 Kings and baby Jesus! And at the churches no less! They are the ones telling us the story, they know the timeline, WTH…I have a meltdown every time I have passed a church this month.

I am not a very religious person, but I do know the story; loosely stated…Mary and Joseph are escaping their land to keep their child safe (excellent parenting skills), no hotels or Motels 6 available in the town they land in, so they settle for a barn and bam (with no pain killers whatsoever), the Baby is born and we now celebrate the event on December 25 (See? Not a month of labor, not a few weeks, it is the plain and simple giving birth deal we still have today).

Growing up in a very Catholic family, we were not allowed to display the crèche too early, and there was NO WAY my mother would have allowed baby Jesus to be placed in the makeshift cradle before the 25th. No.way.

So why all of a sudden have the churches decided to place a full nativity so early? Someone please explain. I still have lots of presents to buy and will inevitably pass several churches. I don’t have time to go to jail because I am being arrested for trespassing in what would look like a crazed Baby-stealing incident only to have every intention to replace him on his actual birth date (and not a moment sooner).

And for that matter, the wise men don’t show up until January 6!!

Make the madness stop PLEASE!

The new sea monkeys: Jellyfish

Posted on December 12, 2015 by simplygiselle

jellyfishart.com

No joke. This is actually a real gift. Three live jellyfish and full kit to feed them, air pump, color-changing LED…I must have been living under a rock (or a coral bed) because I have never heard of such a thing.

What happened to the sea monkeys of yesteryear and the cloud of dried krill that would entertain kids for, oh about 15 mins…??

Who is this gift geared toward? The boss who has everything? As if he wants the burden of keeping something alive so he doesn’t offend you. Little kids will just poke the poor innocent bundles of jelly and dead within 24 hrs… so who is buying these and keeping the company in business?

I had to share because I am just completely astounded at the things you can buy online these days.

I am sure many of you are doing Christmas/holiday shopping online… what bizarro items have you seen??

The Ho-Ho-Ho-liday Meltdown

Posted on November 28, 2015 by simplygiselle

Key West Turkey

Thanksgiving = thrown into a cement mixer with larger boulders, add desert dry turkey, brain-dead family members that even a zombie would pass up, set mixer on high, pour, and be instantly ready for Christmas shopping… sound familiar?

My holiday has been quiet thus far; simple dinner with my dad, daughter and her boyfriend, (my hot guy was busy saving the town)…after all it’s about the people you care about not forced family fun (for me anyway).

After this somewhat restful holiday, how could it be that I would sit up in bed as though I had been given a defibrillation? The thought of Christmas shopping had set in. What to buy and who to buy for is as difficult as trigonometry or calculus for me (pretty much adding and subtraction puts me over the edge who am I kidding?!).

Make a list of recipients
Cut out half of those people because, seriously, I feel guilty about not buying them a gift, not because I really like them
Make a list of ‘others’ who won’t receive gifts (and then cut that list down to 12) and mail card with lots of glitter, just to be annoying.

Down to about 5 actual gifts to be wrapped…seemingly doable.

The parent: At this point, dad is just two eyeballs and a hat, looking through a mound of 85 years’ worth of gifts consisting of sweaters, shirts, turtlenecks, ties, socks, slippers, puzzle pieces, and smells like Old Spice. (I happen to love Old Spice so that’s the upside)

The daughter: The last two years I have been successful with tickets to shows (Kathy Griffin = HILARIOUS!) but actually opening a gift is a tough one. Clothes? Jewlery? Shoes? Meh. I keep scouring the ‘net for inspiration. She is always happy and thankful for the smallest thing, especially spending time together, which is why I like to put every neuron into a good gift. As you have seen we do activities year round, bigger trips a la Canada, St. Martin, and cruises, indoor skydiving, glass blowing, schooner sailing, etc. so coming up with gifts because it’s a holiday is much more difficult-the pressure is on. She asks for a pony at every opportunity, but a pony would be bigger than her car (so no room), take up all the room in the apartment (still no room), and would be forced to live on Ramen noodles and blue cheese pasta (that’s just priming the poor thing for the glue factory).

The hot boyfriend: God help me please. I have tried everything and it’s never right. It is not that he is ungrateful; I know he appreciates my time and effort; it is just a poor choice of gifts on my part. For his birthday last year I purchased an airplane lesson, complete with flying time in this cool little prop plane for two. Although he is quick to show friends the pictures, it took 8 months and lots of nagging to make the reservation, so it loses something in the gift. A few years ago I bought him an automatic starter for his truck; I returned it because the installation would cause too much interior damage of sorts. Clothes and gift certificates typically don’t get worn or used… he doesn’t have any hobbies… I am at a loss. And I don’t want any lame-o ideas of a ‘coupon book good for hugs, kisses, date night, or massage by yours truly’….put some effort into it please.

Any and all suggestions from my readers will be paid in gummy bears if you can help me not have a HO-HO-HO-liday meltdown (gummy bears will be paid in virtual thanks only).