Random coyote makes the blog

coyote

Please pardon the blur, it was taken from behind the screen door whilst trying not to attract attention…

So here is why this random coyote makes the blog today:

A few days ago, I get home from work to walk Chester, chester

you remember this cutie from his own write up on dodging the cartel right? Nine pounds of Mexican fury… ok I digress.. So we start our walk up the street we live on and onto the very busy main street, only to have a white car quickly pull up to me and say not to continue on, there is a coyote in the parking lot ahead, (where the police were apparently trying to push him away from the main road, back into the woods, and away from their delicious donuts)… not long after they drove away, the policeman did drive up to let me know about the coyote and so we started walking in the opposite direction. We didn’t get too far (a short block and three houses down the next street) when the white car zooms up to us again yelling, get in! get in! it is right behind you!! so without even looking I picked up Chester and jumped into this kind stranger’s vehicle. And there the coyote was, about 35 yards away from us. Staring at the meal that got away… yikes! The ladies introduced themselves and they apologized for kidnapping me, for which I reminded them they actually saved us (unless there was more to the jumping into the car that I didn’t know about).

Phone calls were made to the police to alert them that this thing was on the move (in broad daylight) but we were told that because she/he was not acting suspicious or aggressive there was little they could do. Hmph.

The ladies drove me back to the house, I dropped off Chester and made my way to several neighbor’s homes to alert them to take in their dogs. Then proceeded to run out for a quick bite only to have my phone ring that the coyote was now in MY yard!!  Thankfully Chester was in the house, but we are on high alert with every walk around the block we take (because the male/female hawks dive bombing were not enough to keep me on my toes…great).

Death from above and on the ground. I need another set of eyes, maybe some mace or a tranquilizer gun (that’s for me not the animals; situation is totally stressing me out).

Tis better to have loved and lost… I call B.S.

Lord Alfred Tennyson wrote: “Tis better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved at all…”

I call total B.S. on this. If you do not have the ability to know what you don’t know, in this case, feel what you haven’t felt before, than how can it be as bad as having your heart and soul ripped out, stomped on and then lit on fire? It can’t, plain and simple.

It is very similar to the dolts that say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ – it doesn’t buy it, but it is required to obtain it i.e. travel, parties, etc. Only people with money say this because they want the poorer people to feel better about not having any money.

Just like falling in love, those that are still in love wave the Tennyson crap-flag about,to make us brokenhearted dolts feel better. Well it doesn’t so shut up. 

Witness Protection Please

 

This is “Chester” – I had to change his name to protect him from the cartel he was running on the Texas/Mexican boarder. He had just arrived a week before from the mean streets of Texas and staying in the day care system until a foster (temporary witness protection) or an adoption (full blown witness protection).

When the rescue agency tells you that this tiny brown boy not only was the head of the Chihuahua gang on the streets but also again in their day care too, you know he is the real deal. I didn’t make this up!

I haven’t asked about what brought him to New England and why he needed to hide out and he hasn’t offered any hints so I think it best to just ignore it. So far, he loves the area and the people.

It may be a while before he puts his past behind him and stops looking over his shoulder to see if someone recognizes him, but I have assured him, say the word and decorative outfits will be bought to disguise him. He came to the right house; no snitches here. Whatever it was, I think he was framed. 

No Alanis, that is NOT what ironic means

To point out the irony of this photo;

it is taped to the white board at work. Yes. Taped. = IRONIC

Which leads me to the Alanis M song Ironic because it just drives me batsh*t there is not one example of irony in the whole damn song. I really like the song…so I have a huge internal struggle every time I listen to it.

**An old man turned ninety-eight, he won the lottery and died the next day… (not ironic just extremely bad timing and hey, he was ninety-eight for crying out loud!)

**It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay…(this just outright sucks and can be considered alcohol abuse because flies are gross and you have to toss the wine no matter how badly you want to drink it)

**It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late…(there is a theme that runs throughout this song focusing on bad timing and this is just the second of many that points it out)

**It’s like rain on your wedding day… (you may think bad timing, but I will chalk it up to omen)

**It’s a free ride when you have already paid… (again, timing. I want to give it another category, but really I can’t its all timing)

**It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take…(ok, this is clearly not ironic but you didn’t take the advice for many different reasons; first and foremost, you may be thick headed and just stuck to your guns, nothing wrong with having some conviction, Alanis!)

And on and on we go. you know the song… dude waits his whole life to take a trip on an airplane and it crashes (pure bad luck, not ironic), traffic jam when you are already late (theme = bad timing), no-smoking sign on your cigarette break (um, are you too damn lazy to move to another spot? The sign won’t follow you around you know…)

Anyway, my photo shows what ‘ironic’ actually means. It’s not timing or bad luck.

Ironic is having a sign that is taped to a white board that states you are not allowed to tape anything to the white board. THAT is IRONIC Alanis. Fit THAT into your earwig song!

Talent(less) Show

When work brings up the idea of having a talent show, I immediately think – I have no talent! I can’t even do the Molly Ringwald (Breakfast Club) hands-free lipstick trick! (and I actually had the nerve to judge how lame that was and NOW look at me, ugh).

So what does that leave? Sing? Not unless you want the neighborhood dogs to as my back-up (maybe the barking Christmas carol dogs are still available). Dance? Um, no. I already am convalescing from a concussion and fractured nose and that happened with me tripping over my own shadow a few weekends ago so I can’t afford more time out of work… I can’t throw my voice nor do I want to stick my hand up some puppet’s butt for a few laughs (and I don’t cook a turkey for the same weird reason)… I am not double jointed (although that always sounded so cool) and I am running out of ideas.

I need suggestions and pronto!

Lollipops and Wise Old Owls

Mr. Owl; how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

It is close to impossible for me to hear the word lollipop and not travel back in time to the 70’s to a commercial where a young boy asks a number of animals this very important question. I wont even describe the short commercial because it loses so much in translation. The answer ultimately becomes 3 and leaves you to believe even further it is not the answer because the owl can’t make it to the end and bites into it. Ok, spoiler alert for those that were too lazy to look it up beforehand.

My favorite flavor of the tootsie pop was cherry but the tootsie roll center was not a complementary pairing. I ended up tossing the center which is too bad because it is pretty tasty on its own.

In need of some Tooth Fairy money but Mother Nature is taking to damn long? Astro Pop to the rescue! Sticky rating: 11 out of 10. No way to save a tooth once this pop made the slightest touch.

A Ring pop is for the little girl who wanted it all; the 12 yr old prince that could afford one and the sugar to keep us running from them and pulling on our ponytail.

The Whistle Pop is the revenge pop to every parent who allowed their child to scream endlessly at the supermarket or restaurant and blankly stare at the rest of us as our ears bleed, for every kick to the back of our chair, for every cut in line at the bathroom because the kid just couldn’t wait… take THAT. A lollipop that blows out your eardrums for a good 30 mins or more, hopefully on a long car ride where the parent cannot escape.

The DumDum, aka the Halloween lollipop . A case of these will cost about a dollar. Treats handed out at a fraction of the cost and yard not toilet papered; dun and dun. Any what is with the ‘mystery’ flavor? Call it berry and stop screwing with us.

 

Which lollipop springs to mind when you hear the word?

Blue eyes becoming extinct!

If you have blue eyes, you better start procreating with others of your kind before it’s too late. According to an article in the NY Times in 2006 (what the hell year is it anyway?), it states from U.S. Census Bureau, that blue eyes have now become increasingly rare among American children.  It goes on to say that due to “immigration patterns, intermarriage, and genetics, all play a part in their steady decline.” The 2002 Loyola U study stated “about half of Americans born at the turn of the 20th century had blue eyes… by mid-century that number had dropped to a third” i.e. as of 2015, only 16.6% of American have blue eyes, and sounds like this number will be dropping rapidly.

See? Statistics don’t lie – jump on that fancy cell phone and start pawing through your little black book, make some booty calls, and explain the devastating future that lies ahead for your kind. That should be a sure fire way to get you a hooked up.

Blue eyes no lie: Goose

An American heritage and genetic line that lost its blue eyes?! Disastrous!!