Mother Mary was in labor for almost a month?

nativitysceneWill someone please tell me why the nativity scenes are now placed at the beginning of the month? I am talking full blown Mary, Joseph, 3 Kings and baby Jesus! And at the churches no less! They are the ones telling us the story, they know the timeline, WTH…I have a meltdown every time I have passed a church this month.

I am not a very religious person, but I do know the story; loosely stated…Mary and Joseph are escaping their land to keep their child safe (excellent parenting skills), no hotels or Motels 6 available in the town they land in, so they settle for a barn and bam (with no pain killers whatsoever), the Baby is born and we now celebrate the event on December 25 (See? Not a month of labor, not a few weeks, it is the plain and simple giving birth deal we still have today).

Growing up in a very Catholic family, we were not allowed to display the crèche too early, and there was NO WAY my mother would have allowed baby Jesus to be placed in the makeshift cradle before the 25th. No.way.

So why all of a sudden have the churches decided to place a full nativity so early? Someone please explain. I still have lots of presents to buy and will inevitably pass several churches. I don’t have time to go to jail because I am being arrested for trespassing in what would look like a crazed Baby-stealing incident only to have every intention to replace him on his actual birth date (and not a moment sooner).

And for that matter, the wise men don’t show up until January 6!!

Make the madness stop PLEASE!

The new sea monkeys: Jellyfish

jellyfishart.com

jellyfishart.com

No joke.  This is actually a real gift. Three live jellyfish and full kit to feed them, air pump, color-changing LED…I must have been living under a rock (or a coral bed) because I have never heard of such a thing.

What happened to the sea monkeys of yesteryear and the cloud of dried krill that would entertain kids for, oh about 15 mins…??

Who is this gift geared toward? The boss who has everything? As if he wants the burden of keeping something alive so he doesn’t offend you. Little kids will just poke the poor innocent bundles of jelly and dead within 24 hrs… so who is buying these and keeping the company in business?

I had to share because I am just completely astounded at the things you can buy online these days.

I am sure many of you are doing Christmas/holiday shopping online… what bizarro items have you seen??

The Ho-Ho-Ho-liday Meltdown

Key West Turkey

Key West Turkey

Thanksgiving = thrown into a cement mixer with larger boulders, add desert dry turkey, brain-dead family members that even a zombie would pass up, set mixer on high, pour, and be instantly ready for Christmas shopping… sound familiar?

My holiday has been quiet thus far; simple dinner with my dad, daughter and her boyfriend, (my hot guy was busy saving the town)…after all it’s about the people you care about not forced family fun (for me anyway).

After this somewhat restful holiday, how could it be that I would sit up in bed as though I had been given a defibrillation? The thought of Christmas shopping had set in. What to buy and who to buy for is as difficult as trigonometry or calculus for me (pretty much adding and subtraction puts me over the edge who am I kidding?!).

  1. Make a list of recipients
  2. Cut out half of those people because, seriously, I feel guilty about not buying them a gift, not because I really like them
  3. Make a list of ‘others’ who won’t receive gifts (and then cut that list down to 12) and mail card with lots of glitter, just to be annoying.

Down to about 5 actual gifts to be wrapped…seemingly doable.

The parent: At this point, dad is just two eyeballs and a hat, looking through a mound of 85 years’ worth of gifts consisting of sweaters, shirts, turtlenecks, ties, socks, slippers, puzzle pieces, and smells like Old Spice. (I happen to love Old Spice so that’s the upside)

The daughter: The last two years I have been successful with tickets to shows (Kathy Griffin = HILARIOUS!) but actually opening a gift is a tough one. Clothes? Jewlery? Shoes? Meh. I keep scouring the ‘net for inspiration.  She is always happy and thankful for the smallest thing, especially spending time together, which is why I like to put every neuron into a good gift. As you have seen we do activities year round, bigger trips a la Canada, St. Martin, and cruises, indoor skydiving, glass blowing, schooner sailing, etc. so coming up with gifts because it’s a holiday is much more difficult-the pressure is on. She asks for a pony at every opportunity, but a pony would be bigger than her car (so no room), take up all the room in the apartment (still no room), and would be forced to live on Ramen noodles and blue cheese pasta (that’s just priming the poor thing for the glue factory).

The hot boyfriend: God help me please. I have tried everything and it’s never right. It is not that he is ungrateful; I know he appreciates my time and effort; it is just a poor choice of gifts on my part. For his birthday last year I purchased an airplane lesson, complete with flying time in this cool little prop plane for two. Although he is quick to show friends the pictures, it took 8 months and lots of nagging to make the reservation, so it loses something in the gift.  A few years ago I bought him an automatic starter for his truck; I returned it because the installation would cause too much interior damage of sorts. Clothes and gift certificates typically don’t get worn or used… he doesn’t have any hobbies… I am at a loss.  And I don’t want any lame-o ideas of a ‘coupon book good for hugs, kisses, date night, or massage by yours truly’….put some effort into it please.

Any and all suggestions from my readers will be paid in gummy bears if you can help me not have a HO-HO-HO-liday meltdown (gummy bears will be paid in virtual thanks only).

One of the best kept secrets around

Jade Budda

Jade Buddha visits Massachusetts (pic by me)

You are no longer alone and lost in the world of bureaucracy and red tape. You are no longer in the dark about where to turn for help… because now there is one location with a number of services and information to give you support and direction….

At the beginning of my mother’s illness we were fortunate enough to have a visiting nurse covered by insurance to monitor her health and dispense meds as needed, but there was limited information about where to find other needs our family could have benefited from. My elderly father did wonders with keeping an eye on her early on, but as her disease progressed he could not be tasked with the full-time care she needed and still keep up with laundry, house cleaning, dinners, etc. Even the few hours of attention my daughter and I could offer after school or work was not enough.

At one time or another we will all need assistance or we will need, at minimum, the guidance for where to find that assistance (MassOptions.org) If you don’t need these services you probably know someone who does:

Care Management includes communicating with members, facilitating development and implementing of person-centered care plans, connecting members to services and monitoring the appropriate delivery, quality and effectiveness of services within the care plan
Coordinated Care Programs are programs that address the needs of the brain injured, those with autism, frail elders, and senior care options. It is a package of services designed to meet an individual’s unique needs, to include assistance with care planning and connecting individuals to needed services and resources.
In-Home Support are services available in an individual’s home and community to assist with personal care and other activities such as housekeeping, grocery shopping and meal preparation for individuals 60 and over.
Veteran’s Independence Plus program (VIP) supports veterans of any age that are at risk of nursing home placement and their family caregivers by providing home and community based services to enable them to continue to live in their homes and communities. Eligible veterans receive a comprehensive assessment, develop a service plan, and can purchase goods and services that best meet their needs.
Transition Assistance services are available to individuals who are transitioning or wish to transition from an institutional setting, such as nursing facility, to a community-based setting.
Mental Health services are rehabilitative and therapeutic services designed to meet the mental health needs of individuals, enabling them to live, work and participate in their communities, substance abuse a resource available to provide free and anonymous information and referral for alcohol and other drug abuse problems and related concerns.
Food and Nutrition programs and services promote access to food and proper nutrition through home-delivered meals, nutritional counseling and financial assistance for food shopping for seniors and, women, infant and children.
Protective Services are services and resources aimed at eliminating, reducing and protecting individuals from neglect and from physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse to also include ensuring individuals’ rights to qualified services and quality care for women, children, disabled or the elderly.
Housing options such as shared living environments designed to meet service needs including Congregate Housing, Supportive Housing, Assisting Living and Continuing Care Retirement Communities are available.
Transportation services include accessible and specialized transportation options within a region or community to include Veterans, disabled, and MassHealth members with getting to and from important health-care services such as doctor visits, hospital stays, rehabilitation and therapeutic services, and behavioral health and substance use disorder services… all these services (and more!) can now be found in one location; http://www.Massoptions.org

Not something you need right now? Take a moment and think about if you know someone who does… A neighbor, cousin or co-worker new to the ‘elderly parent needing at-home assistance’ gig, or a ‘disabled neighbor needs personal care or better equipment’, could use desperately use this information (due to lack of advertising its a huge secret). Massachusetts is just one of the states that now offer a ‘one-stop resource information area’ called MassOptions.org (other states may call it No Wrong Door so do a search if you or someone you know is in need of these services).

Finally! Someone in the healthcare organization/government came up with the idea to provide a place in the community where you can go to search for what is available for your specific situation and be given many choices on how to alleviate your stress, get help, and become a stronger family in your time of need.

The website and phone number for consultation is free and most of the organizations that are available to assist with your situation take all levels of insurance.

Please don’t let this continue to be one of the best kept secrets – help me get the word out there that there IS support and assistance for you!! It shouldn’t be so hard in this day and age of technology to find a place to get answers and help.

 

Happy Birthday to Me

DSC01958Quebec City

If you didn’t get the hint by now, I will just be blunt, I love to travel. (gasp!) So when it came down to my birthday this year, I wanted out; out of the country that is. So pack up the SpiceGurl Mini and off to Quebec City for some Maple Sugar Pie and all the poutine my stomach can handle. You haven’t had Maple Sugar Pie OR poutine before?! I am not sure we can be friends. Imagine the most perfect pecan pie, without the pecans just melting in your mouth… not sugary, but sweet, smooth, with a hint of butter…I can’t believe I fit into the Mini for the ride home after these four days….

Although not new to Quebec City, walking for me, is the only way to see everything a city has to offer (or public transportation if the city is just too spread out). As you can see from the photo above, this ‘joker’ jumped out at me in the alley and I had to get a photo. He didn’t seem to mind.

Although the Frontenac Hotel is plush, and if you are able to obtain a room facing the St. Lawrence, the view is indeed beautiful, but I prefer the cozy-homey feel to a small hotel. We had a great room on the main road just inside the ‘wall’ and with an amazing price. Open brick walls, wonderfully comfy bed, super clean, and the ceiling to floor side-by-side double window that open to a small courtyard – that’s for me! (I really wanted to just throw them open and start singing as if I were part of a movie, but the howling dogs would have given me away…)

Shopping is always a must so I bought a cute tunic dress in my favorite boutique found on the very lower level of Quebec. If I lived in the area I would be completely broke, as I love every piece of clothing in the shop and it all fits perfectly!

shopping
Lower Quebec City for shopping!

I had to take my hot boyfriend down the funicular because I do not know of too many places where you can have the opportunity to ride a ‘sideward elevator’ as I call it. As you can see this is no joke, its a rapid decent from upper to lower city, but the view is beautiful.

funicular
funicular to lower Quebec

Headed out to dinner one evening we found a Halloween scene and I thought this mummy was very creative! (Halloween seems to follow me wherever I go!)

DSC01959
It’s a light post that is covered as a mummy so it is much larger than it looks.

Sadly, I did not get to practice any of my French (sad face) although who knows, I may have spouted an insult and wound up in jail, so just as well.

If you have a chance to visit Quebec City, go…do it! Historical, romantic, food that will wake up even the sleepiest of taste buds, shopping….it has something for everyone.

 

Halloween for 31 days!

hauntedhouse
What?! Is there someone behind me?

It’s October in New England, more specifically Salem, so how could Goose and I NOT go and enjoy one of the 31 days of festivities?

That’s right! Be very jealous! The spooky scary (and in this case a bit corny) festivities of Halloween last for the full month of October, and we enjoy every bit of it.

Halloween is our favorite holiday. It’s the mystery, the unknown, the possibility of life beyond and not in the demonic way but simply our energy reforming into something else and lasting forever. Believe it, be a skeptic, don’t believe… we don’t judge, we are all here doing our own thing, and its all good…this just happens to be our thing.

So enjoy are few pictures from the most Halloweenie place in New England…

mynewfriend
I made a new friend this day.

witchwitch
“Hmm, you would look like a good add to the recipe…come a bit closer”

pickingthenose
Who says you can’t pick your friend’s nose?

misbehaving  And this my friends, is what happens when you misbehave….

Happy Halloween everyone, Happy New Year to those that celebrate, and of course –

Blessed Be.

Honk, Beep, Meep and the Like

honk

I am a honking kind of girl; I give my car horn a workout daily. I want to be sure it will be in top condition should an ‘emergency’ ever arise. If I am not supposed to use it, why issue one in every vehicle, right?

Some people frown on honking as it brings attention to them, but really, isn’t that the point?

I give a honk if I am waving you through in front of me and it takes more than three of my hand waves to get your butt in gear. I am trying to be gracious and now you have made my arm ache… go already!

I give a honk if I have to wait more than 8 seconds at a green light and you are hopelessly staring at the light as if expecting a personal invitation be handed to you that it is safe to continue on your mind-numbing journey of life.

If you let me pass in front of you, I give the hand wave of thanks and a quick honk just to be sure you know I recognize your generosity. In these parts, if you don’t give the hand-wave-of-thanks you get the WTF buddy?!! Geeze you are welcome!! And then we take our anger out on the next innocent driver…so do society a solid and just give a quick wave of thanks. Even a half hand wave is acceptable.

If I see geese, turkey, or deer (pretty much any animal) look precariously from the side of the road as if they want to cross to see what is on the other side of the road, they get the honk to warn them to “back up buddy it is not safe, try again later”

Most importantly you will most definitely…without a doubt…get a honk, if, as in this past weekend for example, you are pulling out of the parking garage, stop and park just on the other side of the wooden arm, have everyone in the vehicle get out and change seats (no it was not one of those juvenile fire drills) and then have a discussion at the driver’s door about how the day was. People, there is a line forming behind you and by the looks of it, you are incapable of driving and talking at the same time, otherwise why would you be standing next to the vehicle? HONK!!

And then have the 20-something garage attendant school me on not using my horn because it was not an emergency!!? Oh no you di-int!! Since when does it have to be an emergency to use the horn? He obviously lives in a small town where honking is viewed as a nuisance not the vehicle’s voice. I didn’t give the long foghorn blast, just a quick honk to state; hurry it up ladies we are not getting any younger here and the world does not revolve around YOU.

Are YOU a honk, meep, beep type of person or the recipient of my honking??

 

Auto paintball?

paintball

I have played paintball and apparently I played the more painful but lame version because it had nothing to do with shooting at cars as they drove by. I walked away with welts and bruises that I was proud to show off for about a week.

My little Spicegurl didn’t sign up for a paintball session, she didn’t deserve this harassment! She was so happy this day; brand new brakes, oil change, soapy bath, and her only crime was to be driving in the wrong neighborhood (clearly all my fault and the guilt that goes with it).

How does this make some cowardly punk feel good? You don’t get to see my pissed off face when I finally notice the hit (that would at least give a person some satisfaction and a quick laugh). You don’t get to see me spend money on paint remover praying that it only takes off the paintball paint and not ruin the finish. You hit me and I drove off unknowingly. Big deal. Boring.

If you are such a great shot on a moving target with a crappy gun, do something courageous and useful, join the military or police. But you won’t. You will hide behind your laziness, your weakness, and never actually LIVE life, but just e x i s t for many years. Too bad for you; you are missing out on some great fun!