The Scarlet Snowflake

scarletsnowflakeI fear I am branded with the ‘Scarlet Snowflake’ because of my love of Snow.

I hear the whispering behind my back, the looks of utter disgust when I share my secrets of stolen moments watching Snow quietly fall during the day or through the streetlight’s glow at night.  How could I possibly be in love with Snow – he is so selfish and has no care for anyone and their driveway! He laughs at how many layers of clothing you must endure to step outside for just a moments time…yet I know he loves me back, with the frozen smiles I have daily, listening to the Cardinals that only sing their melodious song in the winter or the small animal tracks that I find across the freshly powdered path…

He has not been so timid in his love for me, sharing well over 5 feet of his fluffy dandruff and still looking as clean cut and magnificent as the first time I lay eyes on him. And as the wind blows it is hard not to be reminded of Fabio on his most romantic novel cover…swirling long locks of tiny flakes in all directions and just a hint of a crooked smile.

YES I LOVE SNOW! – There I said it for all to hear !

I cannot contain my feelings any longer!

I am a traitor and outcast, and ready to endure the pitchforks (shovels, ice-filled snowballs…) of the village people! You cannot break true love!

(picture credit: unknown)

Conversation hearts with a twist

valentinecandy

This is just a joke, not male bashing. Take a deep breath and laugh, it’s funny.

As an educational side note:

History of Sweethearts®

Sweethearts® share a storied history with our legendary New England Confectionery Company- NECCO® Wafers , which isn’t surprising since their inventors share a bloodline. Daniel Chase created the first conversation hearts in 1866 by devising a machine that would press food dye letters onto the candy lozenges made famous by his brother and NECCO® founder Oliver Chase.

NECCO (New England Confectionery Company) is the oldest continuously operating candy company in the United States. It was founded in 1847 when Oliver Chase invented the first American candy machine. NECCO produces its entire assortment of candy at the company’s headquarters in Revere, MA. Popular brands include: the beloved NECCO Wafers, the Valentine’s Day staple Sweethearts, and other iconic brands such as the Clark Bar, Sky Bar, Canada Mints, Candy Buttons, Mary Jane, and Haviland Thin Mints.

(photo found via Comedy103.1 site/origin unknown)

What is behind Door #1?

“That” room…  This is clearly not Let’s Make a Deal. There is no new car, no boat, no vacation, and not even a donkey with a sombrero and a serape.

My daughter does not like to clean. It’s a fact plain and simple. If the mess it is out of sight, even more so. That being said, I know there is a place in her apartment that even SHE dare not go.

When I see the door that leads to “that” room, it sends shivers through me.

Scenario One: Not unlike the scene from Poltergeist when the closet door opens to the abyss of hell. The only way I will open “that” door is if I have a priest (or little person with a funny hat and big sunglasses to clean the room in a spiritual sense) and a bucket of holy water.

Scenario Two: Opening “that” door could also be a black hole, sucking all of existence through it into another dimension. Stephen Hawking would be afraid to open “that” door.

Scenario Three: Have you seen Monsters Inc.? There is no proof that opening “that” door may not lead to 1000s of monsters and their factory of closet doors to scare children. I am an adult and “that” door scares me.

Keep the scenarios going…. What do you think is behind “that” door.

Reply to: No, Thanks – Is there a place in the world you never want to visit? Where, and why not?

Toxic fumes, tetanus shots, and the Big Wheel

While on FB I came across a little dittie that reminded me of the fearless generation from whence I came: the 70’s. If you were born a bit before then, the 70’s were just the right age when the stars aligned and curiosity, fearlessness, and determination joined forces and nothing stopped you.

Kids didn’t use seatbelts, let alone have their own car seat. Your seatbelt was your mom throwing her arm across you to keep you from smashing your tiny flexible skull against the dashboard (which only worked 20% of the time). There were lapbelts but, admit it, pretty lame. And pick-up trucks with an open bed – well now we are talking changing a three-seater into a jamb-as-many-friends-in-the-back-seater! The cargo area of a station wagon? Nope this was actually used as a free for all play pen for the kids. Wrestling, laying down for naps, having a picnic, all while dad tried not to lose his shit driving in beach traffic so you and your brother can eat a sand-wich; literally sandwich filled with sand from your sticky fingers (crunch crunch).

Creepy Crawlers… yes please let me inhale toxic fumes, I didn’t want to ace those bubble tests in third grade anyway. And the plastic glob of goo at the end of the straw that magically turned into a huge balloon? Inhale and residue on my fingers which will inevitably go into my mouth at some point, SCORE! Whoops forgot about the lead paint toys too. Back in the day there was no other way to adhere paint to toys to lead was added and those cute little wooden blocks that were used as a teething device was now dropping the SAT scores by the minute. Ivy League schools are overrated anyway.

Sunscreen was called baby oil back in the day. If you weren’t rocking a golden tan or peeling from a summer’s worth of sunburns you were lame and had the worst summer ever. And if you dared show up with Noxema on your nose to lessen the pain, you got your shoulders slapped to remind you of your burn there as well…. good times.

Games: lawn darts were made of razor sharp blades about 6 inches long and you tossed them 10 yards back and forth at one another with the hopes it will land in the  hoolahoop on the ground for points. The company had to completely revamp its design with soft edges because people where getting hurt. Who got hurt with this game? Fess up!  You have to be kidding.  You didn’t know that when that 6 inch blade came even remotely in your direction that you wouldn’t move out of the way?! That was part of the fun – playing chicken with a javelin! Way to ruin it for everyone.

Helmets and elbow pads are for losers. Learning to ride a bike, roller skate (and later on a skateboard) takes balance. If you don’t get hurt falling off, the learning process takes so much longer. Plus the scars are really cool. Who didn’t ride on the handlebars or on the seat holding on to the driver’s butt (which was in your face and hoping he was a real friend and wasn’t going to blast you with a fart) as balance?  There was nowhere to put your feet so your legs dangled and your friend had a bike and you had to walk like a dork so ride-sharing was the norm. Plus there is plenty of room for two on a one-seater, you just have to be creative.

Toss in the Big Wheel (and for you Evil Kineval types the wooden jump plank leaning on a concrete block) and now we are talking some adrenalin. Your friend Sully did it yesterday and you will be damned if he is going to show off that scab alone. Determination supersedes wisdom when you are young.

The adventurous play ground. The days of climbing up inside the ‘metal rocket’ with all its sharp edges, uncovered steel screw tops and nails exposed made for tetanus shots only a doctor’s office can dream of. Don’t forget the 200 degree metal slide against the back of your legs; it’s a beautiful day and that slide has been just soaking in the sunshine for several hours – go metal burn yes! But it didn’t stop you, you shook it off and kept going back up anyway because it was fun.

The special hideaway. Either you had one or your best friend did. It was in a tree house, sitting on a tree limb 20 feet high, under the porch, in a leanto, just some secret place for you to escape the tyranny of your parents or the unbridled beatings of your older siblings. Hiding away for hours was the norm; the police were not called if you were an hour late for supper, you just got grounded. And not the ‘fun’ grounded these kids have these days… TV, xbox, cell phone, all in the room to keep you entertained? Unheard of…you had the old school, sit in your room and stare out of the window at all your friends having fun playing tag or hide and seek while you were missing it. Lesson learned.

There are of course many more… the drinking from a hose and not bottled water, your baseball team losing and not getting the pizza party because “you tried really hard”, the walking to school (in the blizzard uphill both ways) because there weren’t school buses and your family only had one car that dad took to work….

It goes on and on and it was fun. It was a great generation and we learned so much. Please share any ‘good times’ that I may have overlooked.

Auto-Arachnid Accident

The last little goblin shows up at my door and yells the standard ‘trick or treat’…

“Here you go little princess, my last chocolate bar, I am sorry that is all I have. Have a great night!”

Before I have a chance to close the door, two more little monsters dressed as Frankenstein and Dracula show up with the same demand, ‘trick or treat’… yikes, now what? They are not the typical three or four year old and I didn’t have time to shut off my light from the last customer to give them fair warning. I look to the left and then to the right, no sign of parents and sheesh, these kids are almost as tall as me – what to do?!! I politely try to explain the situation and the bad timing but with or without candy, I have a feeling these two have only tricks on their mind this night.

Although not one to scare easily, I wake the next morning to find my pride and joy Mini Coop filled to the brim with spiders of every shape size and species! WHAAA – someone hold me!

I cannot kill them; it is not my place to do so in this world. I don’t think ‘auto-arachnid accident’ is covered under my AAA coverage either (I will have to call and have them consider an additional line item on my policy from this point forward…) all I can do is open the doors and run like a zombie is chasing me… or faster!

spider

This was the only picture I could post without falling into the fetal position for the day…

I would also like to add that when I would come home from trick or treating as a child, dump all the treats from the night’s haul, I would then be subjected to the ‘candy tax’ from both parents as payment for room and board all year 🙂

Trick or Trick – daily prompt

It’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?

The Middle Finger Zodiac

Introducing the new Zodiac sign for those born close to my birthday (October): a hand grasping a glass of wine while simultaneously giving the middle finger. (You will have to imagine as I cannot draw worth a damn, please feel free to submit a picture for me)

These symbols would exemplify who you should be; strong enough not to care what others think about you in order to stay true to yourself (the finger) in order to live life to the fullest (the wine), but be gentle enough not to break things along the way (the glass-plus it needs to hold the wine, of course).

 

Custom Zodiac: (Daily Post Question)

You’re tasked with creating a brand new astrological sign for the people born around your birthday — based solely on yourself. What would your new sign be, and how would you describe those who share it?

You’re in Boston baby, good luck to ya

There is not enough time to get you up to speed to understand all of the nuances of Boston. So I will just concentrate on the verbiage you will hear on the street as you are lost wondering the streets because the signage completely sucks. Even the natives get lost because you never know where you are or all the new construction popping up that detours you into a one way, going the wrong way (of course).

*DO NOT ask someone a random person or bartender to repeat the phrase – Pahk the cah in Harhvad yad, (park the car in Harvard yard). We get it, we only have 25 letters in the alphabet. You talk funny to us and we don’t bring it up. And don’t try talking like you have a Boston accent, we can tell you are trying and no, it’s not working for you. If you think I have an attitude, please read my early post on Boston and it explains it all.

bang – to make a left turn (often, “bang a left”; also used often as “bang a U-ie” – make a U turn); sometimes used interchangeably with hang

barrel – trash can

The Basement – Filene’s Basement, a department store in Downtown Crossing, This store does not exist any more but many people still use it as a landmark

Beantown – Boston (never used by Bostonians unless we are making fun of visitors. If you want to blend, do not ever use it)

breakdown lane – right margin or shoulder on highways used for broken down vehicles.

bubbler [pron. bubblah] – water fountain, drinking fountain

The Cape – Cape Cod (there is a Cape Ann but when you hear some one say they ‘went to the Cape’ they are referring to Cape Cod. Cape Ann is just as beautiful)

chowdah [chowder] – New England clam chowder, or occasionally fish chowder. There is no other chowdah, so if you want that red Manhattan stuff, don’t even bother coming here.

The Common – Boston Common. There is only one Common. If you are getting directions, don’t ask, which one. We will give a big sigh and begrudgingly give you the rest of the directions, and may be not the correct ones. Just the way it is.

frappe [pron. frap] – a milkshake; the term milkshake has a separate use. Frappe and milkshake cannot be used interchangeably. Milkshakes are flavored milk of a sort, frappes are super thick with icecream and rock. Try sucking one through a straw and get back to me on your headache.

The Gahden – a reference to the Boston Garden or the TD Banknorth Garden, home of the Boston Celtics and the Boston Bruins.

grinder [pron. “grind-ah”] – A submarine sandwich or Hoagie for you in the Philly area. Some insist that a grinder is toasted, while a sub is not.

Hoodsie  – A small cup of vanilla and chocolate ice-cream from the HP Hood Company. Eaten with a thin wooden spoon that comes with the Hoodsie. Beware the splintered tongue.

Massholes – derogatory term for residents of Massachusetts, especially of Boston drivers (popular in New Hampshire). Yes, I am a Masshole. I will admit it, a little proud of it too.

“No suh!” [No sir, compare “no sirree”] – “No way!”. The appropriate response is “Ya huh!”

packie (also package store) – liquor store. Back in the day, we called it a packie because laws prohibit walking in public with an alcoholic beverage in plain view and a bag was required.

The Pike – the Massachusetts Turnpike, also the Mass Pike

pissa – cool, good: “You hit the Lottery? That’s pissa man.”; less commonly it can be used instead of pissed to mean drunk: “I had ten beers last night. I was wicked pissa!”

Salt and Pepper Bridge – Longfellow Bridge. Yes it is a longer to say Salt and Pepper Bridge but if you saw it, you would too. Look it up.

sketchy – A term used, most often by teenagers, referring to something strange or out of place (such as a suspicious person).

skally – a driving cap or an cap that has snap button front.

So don’t I – pleonasm, used to agree with a statement; a replacement for “me too”; (“I like the Red Sox.” “So don’t I.”) I would be shocked to find out that other places do not use this term. Please comment.

Southie – South Boston; also used for residents of the area. Not to be confused with the actual South Boston, two different places, go figure.

spa – neighborhood shop that sells groceries, soda fountain drinks, sandwiches. A mini mart of sort but owned by a family not a chain.

The T – the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority; also used for services run by the MBTA, particularly the Subway. Taken from the MBTA’s logo, a block-letter T within a circle.

townie – In the strictest sense, a resident of Charlestown, Massachusetts; I do not recommend you using this term unless you are from the area. You may get your butt handed to you.

triple decker – a three-story, three-family house, also called a “three decker”.

The Vineyard – Martha’s Vineyard

wicked – very; or occasionally cool. Used indiscriminately, can modify anything (e.g.: “Wicked good.” “Wicked bad.” “Wicked boring.”, etc.). Almost always used as an adverb, rather than an adjective; some Bostonians feel it is grammatically improper not to put an adjective or verb after “wicked”.

wicked pissa – awesome, very cool

The above are excerpts from the online dictionary http://www.aboutlanguageschools.com/slang/boston-slang.asp because I didn’t want to overlook any but I am sure there are plenty more to list.

Did I miss some? If you are from town or visited and need clarification, please ask.

Coming to Boston? I wish you luck. Say good bye to your family you may end up in Canada.

Welcome, Stranger

Think about the town where you currently live: its local customs, traditions, and hangouts, its slang. What would be the strangest thing about this place for a first-time visitor? Daily Post

Ode to the PB&J

A fierce staple amongst millions of sandwiches; you never disappoint.

How many ways to eat you; let me count the ways… with smooth or crunchy, with jelly or jam, strawberry, raspberry, boysenberry, currant, and who can forget grape! Shall I add a hint of fluff or let you stand on your two magnificent complimenting flavors alone? It is all so overwhelming and yet… I know you will fulfill my craving without fail in perfect combination.

Your beautiful blend of thick peanut protein, sugary jammy berries, and carbohydrate bread will sustain me for many hours, allowing me to not just ‘make it through the day’ but will fend off any chance of hunger that may lurk nearby (the bastard!).

You have brought smiles to millions of faces (and stomachs), overlooked by the masses as a form of gourmet meal, and remain your humble self.

PB&J, I salute you; in full, glorious, PB&J smeared fingers!